by Sophie Qian Mingxuan (11 years old)
inspired by David Walliams & Roald Dahl
Little James
James was a kind boy, though he sometimes did bad things.
Like for once, he added a bit of sugar powder into turmeric and a bit of turmeric into salt. Well, of course, he argued that he had mixed them well.
Another time, he put a fake cockroach into his classmate Tilly’s bag and made her cry very badly.
Despite all these times that he did bad things, there were still times when he was good. Like once during Christmas Eve, he offered to help his mother bake the Christmas cookies and wrap the presents. He also offered to help Mrs Clarks, his teacher, carry the exercise books once in class.
So, I would say that all in all, James was a half-and-half.
The Very Unlucky Incident
Now one fine day, due to a very tragic and unlucky incident, his parents died in a car accident.
Oh, how James wept! He was crestfallen, especially when he heard that he was moving in with his two only relatives left in the entire universe!
(You see, the rest of them had died or had gone missing, but even if they hadn't, there would only be two or three other relatives other than these two wicked witches. Well, they would not be any nicer to James anyway.)
So what I am trying to say is, at this point, James had nicht (Beware! It is a German word which means nothing).
The Two Aunts
Yes and back to his two aunts -- the two wicked witches. Now they didn't always get along well, but there were times when they did get along well of course.
The Fat Aunt Sponge
The fat one was Aunt Sponge, who always loved eating the whole turkey during Thanksgiving dinner, so they always had to prepare an extra one.
Also, she had just gotten herself a boyfriend last year (so let’s congratulate her one more time) and they had been binge eating a lot of late. That pretty much explained why she was so fat.
Oh man, was she gluttonous and temperamental, she was!
Whenever Aunt Sponge did not have what she wanted, she always had to let her temper out by lashing out at James. Though she now is like this, Aunt Sponge wasn’t always like this.
You see, Aunt Sponge used to love little James very much last time. She would bring him out to play at the beach, buy him toys, and even gave him a shoulder to cry on whenever he was sad. She always protected James, even more so than his own parents. She used to always check on his well-being everyday, comforted him, and asked him if anyone bullied him in school that day.
But ever since the long-time singleton found herself a boyfriend, the tables turned. Engrossed in her new-found romance, she started to only pay attention to him -- her prince charming.
Curiously, she also started to throw temper tantrums at James all the time.
She must have got too hooked up with his charming airs. Plus, she was also embarrassed about having to take care of James and found him quite burdensome with his little antics.
So you see, that was how the story became even sadder for James.
The Stingy Aunt Spiker
On the other hand, Aunt Spiker had always been mean to James.
Aunt Spiker ate very little, but oh dear lordy lord, was she awfully stingy!
She would not even spare a thought for others! Once, when she just received her paycheck of 13/9 of 6000 quids, she did not even want to give a penny to anyone, not even to Aunt Sponge!
She was tall and skinny, skinny like a stick. She wore her spectacles with tiny lenses, that made her look super intimidating.
One day, James was in the backyard minding his own business, Aunt Spiker came about, swinging her striped purple and white walking cane and walking with an unsteady gait.
She was getting ready to squish James too as thin as a piece of paper, just for the fun of it!
James’s heart skipped a beat.
“Oh no…the devil is showing it’s face…uh oh…,” he whispered to himself.
Luckily, James was in track and field at. school. He represented his school in running, and was even awarded a gold medal before. Acting according to his instincts, James made a quick run for his life.
Into the big bushes and shrubs he went. Pop! And there he was on the other side.
Finding Uncle Josh at the Convenience Store
He quickly ran to a convenience store run by Uncle Josh, the owner of the convenience store.
Uncle Josh was like a grandpa to James and always checked in with him. Today, Uncle Josh saw that James was looking gloomy, and asked “Everything okay at home? One of your aunts is being mean to you again aye?”
“Well…you know how things are, Uncle Josh,” James answered with a long sigh.
Now, before we continue with the story, I want to let you know, yes, you, my dear reader...it's something about Uncle Josh. Well though he was kind, Uncle Josh was also quite kindly disgusting.
You see, he would give great deals…but for expired foods only.
So…,he was kind, and umm…well you know…with his own set of quirks.
This time, Uncle Josh's offer to James was that every time he bought two bags of Aloosha Chips (a chip brand that was very popular), he would get a free packet of expired Luscious Chocolate.
“Umm…no thanks Josh but thank you for your offer,”said James, in a small sad voice.
“Aww…well what if I told you that I’ll give it to you for free?” said Uncle Josh with a slight smile.
“I know that your aunts don’t feed you much…”
“Are you sure I can still eat it? It expired 2 years and 7 months ago…”
Uncle Josh nodded.
“Well okay then…” James took a mint flavoured chocolate (he loves them) and bit into it.
James felt the strong minty taste, with a chocolate presence. James gave a slight smile, and took another bite.
Tears started to roll down his rosy cheeks.
“Oh Josh, how I wish that my parents hasn't died in the first place!” cried James.
“And how mean was it for Aunt Sponge to just abandon and betray me like that! My life really is the worst!” he wailed.
His eyes welled up with tears, as he curled up in a dusty corner of the room and wept. James was so sad, that he accidentally leaned against a spider web, causing it to break.
Uncle Josh was a softie at heart, even though one might rarely see him cry. Kindly, Josh went to calm James down.
“You know, when I was a kid, I had also lost my parents due to a very tragic car crash. Back then, I was also very very sad. I moved from foster home to foster home, and never knew what family was. Each one of my foster parents treated me like a slave. But, I told myself that the Divine has a reason for everything in life, and that these things are meant to happen. I knew that I would be free from these horrid people when I grow up. And that is true! So hang in there buddy! You would always have me by your side!”
James looked up, his eyes gleaming with tears under the dim light. He smiled, having more courage to go back “home”.
“Hey, what do you like to do James?” asked Uncle Josh.
“I love art and crafts, pasting things and cutting things out,” replied James in a soft voice.
“Okay, well how much do you have on you now?”asked Uncle Josh.
“Well I only get 15 pounds and 5 pence every year,” said James.
Uncle Josh's jaw dropped. "Okay, well I can sell a set of art materials to you for 5 pounds. That includes 11 pieces of different coloured paper, that includes red, orange, yellow, light green, dark green, sky blue, dark blue, purple, reddish purple and pink. It will also include a pair of blue safety scissors, a stencil, a sheet of stickers, 7 markers, 7 coloured pencils, and a black outlining marker,” explained Uncle Josh patiently.
“Would you be interested?” he asked.
“Oh my gosh! Yes! Of course! I will pay you right now!”
Just like that, James handed 3 pounds and 5 pence to Uncle Josh.
“I will accompany you home,” said Josh.
So they went out of Uncle Josh’s little convenience shop into the icy cold weather and walked slowly back home.
Finding Family At Last
Not long after, they reached James’s home. Uncle Josh big goodbye to James and hugged him tight. After James stepped into the house, Uncle Josh was about to take his leave when he heard screaming, crying, and shouting. Perturbed, Uncle Josh rushed back and peeped through the window.
Aunt Sponge and her boyfriend were hungover and were infuriated for no reason. They were starting to hit James badly. Aunt Sponge even took a cane to hit James many times until he bled!
Aunt Spiker just sat there.
Plainly indifferent, she did nothing but just scrolled mindlessly on her handphone.
Uncle Josh was so angry that he flew off the handle and barged in. Furious, he shouted and shouted, “STOP IT! THAT IS IMPROPER TREATING OF A CHILD! STOP IT FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! FROM NOW ON,I SHALL HAPPILY TAKE JAMES AS MY SON!”
“FINE! TAKE THIS INARTICULATE CHILD AWAY FROM ME! HIC! HIC!” said Aunt Sponge screamed as she swayed unsteadily.
She was obviously drunk and intoxicated, but James knew this was his only chance of effigium (Latin word which means escape).
And so James ran to Uncle Josh and said “Thank you for saving me, Josh!” said James.
“Actually if you want, you can call me Grandpa,”said Josh, smiling.
“Grandpa!” said James.
“CAN YOU HAVE THIS SWEET MOMENT OUTSIDE PLEASE?!” asked Aunt Sponge frowning.
And so, the two skipped out of the “haunted house”and went to James’s new home.
La fin (which means the end in French)
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